'If you fall and die, we'll know Frank did it wrong'

Saturday was good fun indeed! Frank, JJ, Marc and Will wanted to get in some instructing practice at Thorpe Woodlands before their assessment, so went on Saturday, with me tagging along as guinnea pig....

Me going really speedy on the zip wire:

Marc being screwed by JJ in some form of disturbing gay bondage harness:

Turtles, Grannies and Charity Shops?

My very odd dream did infact contain a bright green turtle, someone's granny and several charity shops, along with Uncle Martyn and the vines of oranges...
I was walking to work with another person but I don't know who. It was an odd, imaginary work place which I never got to. We were walking along a steep, very green grass verge along side an average green hedge. Somehow I was pushing the other persons granny in a wheelchair along the verge too.
Along the way to work, we stopped at various charity shops to drop off various cups and a mug which I hadn't washed up, which I appologised for to the lady who ran the shop. I remember the mug had had tea in it and had a ring around the bottom from it. The lady went and washed it out.
I walked back from the third charity shop on my own, with the granny and other person having disappeared. Walking along I almost trod on a large turtle, which I spotted at the last minute. It was laying still on the verge right next to a gap in the hedge. It looked like this:

But with a very un-noticeable head - if one at all..

I was concerned for the cute, bright green camouflaged turtle, I didn't want anyone to tread on him! It appeared that he lived in the bottom drawer of a small pine chest of drawers in the gap of the hedge but had escaped! So I knocked on the house door and the lady who answered said that they hadn't got the room to let him roam in their garden, and couldn't afford to build a run for him (like for rabbits). Because I was worried, I offered to build a run with long bits of 2 by 2 and chicken wire.

When I suggested it to Uncle Martyn, he said that using the stems that oranges come off would be better as they shoot and get bigger. I asked whether if I planted orange stalks in the ground they would grow. He said no, don't be silly, they only shoot!

So he apparently built this turtle run without me and using orange stalks. I went back to the house to see how it was, but apparently the bright green turtle had died 10 days after the turtle moved into the new run!

Then I woke up.

A Blustery Day

Smealgle pie and I went to the sea side on Monday with Dad. We decided to go down to the beach while Dad went to see a man about some fish. It was very very cold and we almost got blowed away!
We took some silly photographs of us trying to stand upright and not fall into the sea, and I picked up some pretty stones for Mattie and Andy.
This is us trying not to be blown down a slope into the sea.

Dreams But No Sleep...

I've always had weird dreams. Some more weird than others, some lasting ages, some not. But every so often I will dream for what seems like an eternity but wake up feeling like I've had no sleep. Dreaming wears me out. Mostly they are just long, odd dreams, but some nights I will have frightening or stressful dreams which really really wear me out. I wake up several times a night feeling frightened or upset, and fall straight back into another bad dream. I don't often remember what they are about, but usually it's someone trying to get me, or me being out of control.
I woke up this morning more tired than I went to bed, having dreamt bad dreams all night but hardly slept.
Why?

Like Nails On A Chalk Board

Everything is sending my teeth on edge! You know that nasty cringey feeling you get in your teeth when you accidentally chew on a jumper, or screech your chair across the classroom floor? I'm getting it every five minutes! At anything. I was making strangled eggs in a Pyrex dish and just the sound of the fork on the dish sent my jaw all doolally. It is driving me bonkers and I don't know why it's happening. Poo.
Frank is in Wales at the moment on his practice gold D of E. I'm pleased that he went in the end because he's really enjoying it, even if I am missing him a weenie bit. Everything was going a bit tits up before he went, with a really hard essay to do which was going nowhere fast, revision to do but none done, and probably other work to do which probably wasn't done either. We were both quite stressed over it and he almost didn't go but an early return and extended deadline have smoothed everything out :0)
I have been doing lots of textiles work today and finished something quite marvelous towards my final piece, I'll try and put a photo of it on later.
Night night!

Backwards Forwards

I've just sat down with some lemon and ginger tea after work to try and relax my exhausted body and equally exhausted mind. I seem to have had a full week of busy days doing school work or being at Palmers or ringing events, and very late nights with Sarus. As much as I adore him and love spending time with him, it's really wearing me out to be running around to see him or go ringing after a really hectic day. Sometimes I wish I could just chill out for a whole 24 hours without worrying about doing something. Or being somewhere. Or remembering something I was supposed to have done. Or realising I've make commitments I can't keep. I have really been cocking up the things I was supposed to do this week and have upset myself and Sarus alot. I need to give and recieve more huggles.
Work was quite good though. We had no stinky merchandising to do and were able to just get on and do everything adequately and at a reasonable pace. We've decided that none of us really know all the in's and out's of all the drugs on the back wall, and Sarah is the only one who knows very much about herbal remedies and vitamins, so we have come up with a plan! Sarah will read up lots on herbal alternatives so she can advise customers on those. Jess is going to learn about all the vitamins and be the vitamins advisor. I know lots about the OTC drugs so will just swat up on the finer points of those drugs so that I can not kill people and fix them effectively. Together we will be marvelous and be able to stop blagging our way though questions on vitamins and herbal remidies, and not bug the pharmacist with so many OTC drug questions. Hopefull it'll work.

Something has been bugging me a bit. It's been sitting in the back of my head and I know that if I leave it there and don't write about it, I'll end up making it into something it's not. It could put me a long way back in terms of the way I think... I know it's not anything really.
Saurus is really looking forward to the Thorpe work and training, especially as Krystie will be there. Thats the gorgeous looking, friendly, sexy, 19 year old Krystie, who is a quite fond of my boyfriend. He isn't exactly looking at her in just a 'friendly' way at the moment. I know he says he loves me and wants to be with me, but it seems like he can't wait to see other girls, and sleep with other girls, just because he wants a threesome of course? "I can't wait to see Kristy at Thorpe, we've been chatting quite a lot lately and it'll be good to get some real life hugs". Do my hugs not count?
I know he's really liked Em for ages too and seems to think about her all the time, in terms of friendship and sex. They get on so well when they're at school or climbing. He's always happy to see her and thinks she's great. I never get the same excited greeting. He gets mad and shouts at me when I'm climbing because I can't do things which I find hard, which makes me so much more nervous that I definately can't do it. But Emma just scrabbles up and can do everything. He never shouts at her and they get on really well. Why can't we? Do I really make him that mad? Sometimes I wish he'd just say that he is bored of me, or doesn't want to see me, instead of just getting angry and grumpy.
Yesterday I was mostly smiley.
I am sad today.
I am jealous. I am inadequate. No matter what I do, I never do enough. Whatever I do or say, It's never quite right. No matter how hard I try at anything, I'm never good enough. When I do things they are always '"stupid".
Tonight I am seeing my Daddy and I shall be smiley again.
He always makes me smile and I am only sad because of the backward way I think.
When will I think forwards?

It's Been A While....

Well a certain someone has been bugging me relentlessly to write a post for a long time now... well since October if we're going to be nitpicky about things.
So here I am, and I don't know what to write. Over the months I've had plenty of things to write about. Family. Me. Frankasaurus. The things which are going fantastic and the things which are not. But I've never really found the right way to start. To write. To finish. Sometimes I worry that once I start to write things down, the bad things, I won't stop. I worry that I'll say something that other people don't want to hear. I worry I'll upset people or make them concerned when they shouldn't be.
Anyway...
I've had a great but hectic week and last night it took it's toll on me, by 9pm I could hardly keep my weenie lil' eyes open! I went to bed very early with the intention of texting Saurus until I feel asleep. One text and I was out. Bit of a boring cow aren't I.
I have to go soon, going to ring a quarter for the snooty Duke of somewhere-or-other's birthday. He's meant to listen so we'd better get it right. EEP!
Going to get Saurus on the way home for a bit of revision bash this afternoon, going to make him all smiley because he's a bit stressed me thinks :0D
Blog later. Promise. Got to go soon! xxx